tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6296120511621347560.post6842292781022277082..comments2011-05-28T10:21:08.849-07:00Comments on The Long-Range Mommy Report: Do We Need to Teach our Kids "No"?Heather Boydhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05695883068988442489noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6296120511621347560.post-25788254950439041692011-05-28T10:21:08.849-07:002011-05-28T10:21:08.849-07:00Nice post! I feel the same way.
I don't l...Nice post! I feel the same way. <br /> <br />I don't like saying "no" soley for teaching that he can't get everything he wants. <br />Especially since Nate is at the age where he asks why ("especially" only in the sense that he can verbalize he's not understanding why he is being told no, rather than that younger kids aren't also confused by the arbitrary "No")... If he asks "why" to being told "no" and I were to answer that it is because "he can't get everything he wants", that doesn't really make sense to him (and it wouldn't make sense to me if I were told that! I would be insulted!). And it doesn't help him to understand the world. He can understand not biking because it's raining, your not feeling well, he's not feeling well, etc. etc. And then, he can start to make decisions about when is appropriate to ask in the first place! <br /> <br />"No" because you can't get everything you want because is arbitrary, it doesn't help him to understand, to make decisions, or problem-solve... i.e. oh, the answer is no because you are too tired... maybe I can ask daddy, or "no" because it wasn't part of our plan and this activity is something we need to plan ahead for? well, then maybe I can keep my helmet and shoes in a place I can get dressed quickly, or maybe I need to ask sooner; before dinner instead of after. Or no because he needs to take a bath and there isn't time before bedtime, or you've got to tidy the kitchen, or whatever.... If the "why" makes sense then he can begin to make judgements, extrapolations, and take action... i.e. maybe I can help with tidying so that maybe there will be time, etc, etc. (Then again, sometimes he helps with the kitchen and there is still not time, but sometimes that's how it works.) <br /> <br />It also reduces the amount of tears... wouldn't you cry if you were told you weren't going to get something you wanted because you can't get everything you want?? You'd feel confused, and helpless to make things better, and it's no different with a child.<br /> <br />SarahWebMasterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06126366281094811428noreply@blogger.com